Don’t Forget to Wipe!

You may not have heard of this little mom 'n' pop operation

As a companion piece to our last entry, here is a website I wrote* for Johnston Brothers Custom Imprinted Gun Cloths and Bags, a South Carolina maker of… wait, I knew it a minute ago!

This was a writing gig that was probably more fun than it should have been. First of all, it was 4 hours start to finish – including the client interview – and I received payment in under a week. What’s not to love?

Secondly, I love the client’s entrepreneurial spirit. I am always in awe of that kind of carve-a-niche energy some clients have – because I sometimes (ahem!) find it lacking in myself!  Here is a guy who saw that 90% of the little gun shops in the US do little to no advertising or marketing. They basically count on the fact that they are the only shop in the neighborhood.  So this client makes gun cloths, which every serious shooter must have and use, and personalizes them with the name of the shop and contact info.  That’s about all I can reveal, but the benefits should be obvious.

Anyway, you hear a lot of doom and gloom about small businesses. In order to survive, small business has to get creative. This is exactly the kind of quick, inexpensive yet good-looking website that can do the trick. It’s exciting for me to be involved in this kind of solution. Take that, commies!

*hat-tip to Charleston SC designer Studio 7 Design, and programmer Metatation. Thanks for the gig, fellers!

Read Full Post »

Ein bier, bitte!

ImageMatrix Halloween Party, City View Tavern, Cincinnati 1989

For those of you who aren’t Cincinnati Krauts, that means “Beer please!” As I was going to press last time (or whatever) I learned that the long-gestating Kroger Supermarkets beer web page I had written had gone live.

This one was fun. Working with a Cincinnati web marketing firm that I can’t name, I had to dig in to all kinds of beer ephemera to write web copy about beer trivia, food pairings, beer history in America and so on.

As I said previously, I have done a bunch of beer writing for Anheuser Busch, Miller Coors and Kroger – mostly for video. And of course, being some internal merchandising or training video, I almost never get to see the final product. So it’s really fun to see it all come to life. Especially the timeline of Beer in America. So check it out!

And now, I leave you with the words of Norm from Cheers: “Women! Can’t live with ’em, pass me the beer nuts!”

*     *     *     *

And if YOU can’t live without compelling copy for web, print, social media or video, Please contact LivelyExchange (at) gmail.com!

Read Full Post »

Helpful Holiday Hint!

If you’re like me at Christmas, you spare a good bit of no expense to provide nothing but second best the best for the guy whose name you picked out of a hat your loved ones. In that helpful spirit, here is how you get out-of-print songs that you don’t own off of the internet and onto your knock-off brand X mp3 player!

1. Download some cheese-eating audio editing software… like the one that rhymes with “Shmaw-dacity.”

2. Get a mini-to-mini audio cable (stereo.)  It helps if you swiped a bunch of these from the place you used to work. (Sorry, I left that out.)

3. Connect the audio out from one laptop to the mic in of a second laptop. (Oh yeah, you need two PCs. Dang it!)

4. Find the song on YouTube or something.

5. Record the song into the editing software.

6. Save As something remotely usable, like .wav, instead of whatever goofy proprietary file extension they give you.

7. Load the song into Windows Media Player on the first PC.

8. Burn the song onto a CD. It’s better to get ten or songs before you do this. (Again, sorry.)

9. Rip the songs BACK into Media Player, as .wma’s this time.

10. Sync the song to your cheesy brand-X mp3.

11. Repeat until exhausted, or until mp3’s become obsolete.

In all seriousness, Audacity is a little chunkified, but I have used it a lot to get my old LP’s (look it up, kids) into my mp3.

Anyway, that’s it for now. Remember, friends, Christmas can be a time of frustration and deep family weirdness…

…oh, were you expecting a “but“? I thought you knew me better!

Read Full Post »

Just in Time for Veteran’s Day

Photoshop presents a dude with some other dude's arm holding a picture he forgot to bring!

Well, we set out to honor America’s veterans, and to sell medical devices. I’m confident we did the honoring part. The selling? It’s too soon to say.

Despite a last minute freakout caused by someone watching an old rough cut and asking for changes that were made two weeks ago, the Veteran’s Day videos are up.

So HERE is the LINK. What you will see is a nice rah-rah about the Veteran’s Health Adminstration and its care mission, and how this healthcare manufacturer’s mission coincides. To drive home the point, the rah-rah is followed by interviews with employees of the manufacturer who also happen to be Veterans.

There are four videos at the bottom of the page. Sort of the donut effect, where the openers and closers are the same, with the interviews filling the donut hole. (mmmm….DONUTS!)

Anyway, check ’em out (and I suggest you do it sooner than later – The client can be touchy about this sort of thing.) And Happy Veteran’s Day! That’s next Wednesday, commie!

Read Full Post »

The Smoke Clears

I admit, I never got used to the smell of Napalm in the morning, so it’s nice that the smoke is starting to clear on the Veterans Day tribute video. So, as the last chopper leaves Saigon, and the Embassy is overrun, I need to crack open the briefing book and see what I have missed lately (because I certainly haven’t missed any weak-ass ‘Nam references!)

It looks like a bunch of websites I have been writing for have gone online during my tour of duty (bonus reference!) Here is a sampling, with some background info that you don’t need.

Harris Communications: Charlotte area provider of wireless solutions for business and industry.

Carolina Records Storage: Pretty much what it sounds like. Again, from the Charlotte area.

Leitner Construction: Commercial construction company in Rock Hill, SC

Climatech Heating and Cooling: Located in the swank-tastic Lake Norman area of North Carolina, and

Flatfish Island Designs: A fun one. A long time Charleston area residential architecture firm decided to start a new venture, selling coastal-style home plans.

Other than that, it’s the usual mix of websites, print ads, product brochures, and maybe some more videos scripts coming over the horizon. Speaking of the horizon, do you remember the closing shot of John Wayne’s The Green Berets? Duke and the little kid stand on the beach watching the sunset. Did you ever question the logic of that shot, seeing as Vietnam has only an EASTERN coast? If you did, you are a commie.

Read Full Post »

In the Jump Seat

I find myself in the familiar confines of the video edit room. Specifically I am  in the jump seat, that second chair situated close enough that the editor can smell your Thai-food breath and feel your project-completion anxiety.

I am working with Charleston’s Unimedia to cut together Project X for the Huge Faceless Healthcare Manufacturer. And, I’ll tell you, it’s the full meal deal. My involvement so far has entailed:

• Meetings, Correspondence and research
• Writing the narration
• Writing the interviews
• Conducting the interviews (in Indiana, no less,)
• Choosing the quotes
• Getting (or NOT getting) approvals
• Sifting thru online stock footage suppliers
• Choosing kickass military stock footage (& being charged 3 times for it!)
• Photoshopping a bunch of portraits
• Shooting some pick up shots here around Charleston and, finally
• Edit Day (one of two or three, I am guessing.)

So, how was edit day? We had the usual technical difficulties to begin with, ones that happen every single time and are largely expected. The problem is that it has been a LONG time since I had a project this big, so when 10:30 rolls around and you are ALMOST fixin’ to get ready to begin…you start to sweat! But eventually we got rolling and proceeded apace.

Aside from the technical aspects, there are also the work-style issues to consider. I have known RA for years now, but we have only actually worked together a couple of times. He is a 1-man shop used to hammering an edit out by his lonesome, without much explanation. Historically speaking, so am I.

Before I was a writer, I was a producer/director/shooter/lighter/editor in a 2-man shop. I did not have the time nor the inclination to explain my every move…and really never had to. One of my chief talents was convincing the client that there was nothing more boring than watching someone edit, so there was no reason to attend.

These days, it’s a different handicap.  I communicate with the written word almost exclusively. So there were a couple of humorous moments (as in, NOW we can look back and laugh) where I tried to explain my “vision” of quarter-frame portraits dissolving up, top-left, while zooming forward and fading out just in time for the next element to appear bottom right and…well, let’s just say there was a slight communications gap. I can’t speak for the editor, but I was more amused by it than I was frustrated. The irony? Finally he said, “Just let me explain what I am seeing here…” And he described exactly what I was looking for!

In the end, we churned out a fully-realized, damn near complete piece in 8 hours. We have 3 more to do, but we have made 90% of the style and execution decisions so, one would hope (pray) that the rest go quickly. My hope is that I will have access and permission (but mostly access) to share these pieces with you when they are complete.

So that’s the story so far. Someday I will have to tell you about the 26 OTHER balls I kept in the air this week!*

*heh-heh…balls!

Read Full Post »

Cited for Blogging Negligence!

¿dónde usted ha estado? the Legion of Fan inquires, in Spanish for some reason. Where have you been?

Gah! No excuses for blogging negligence. I will say that, in addition to everything else, I have been embroiled in a massive project for a certain huge hospital supply company in the Midwest. A testimonial video wherein I interviewed 14 internal people who happened to be either veterans or who are still serving in the armed forces. It is a piece designed to show that Veterans Administration health system that this hospital supply company really understands their mission and their needs. And, for once, straight up, this is actually the case.

I interviewed guys and gals who served from Vietnam til today…guys who were on a 30-day furlough and heading right back to Iraq…guys who have kids over there right now…guys who reached a breaking point and openly sobbed on camera. It was powerful, I will admit.

There is a crush deadline, and a coordination between web, video and print. And it must all break by Veterans Day (that’s November 11, pinko.) So, forgive me. This blog, despite whatever clues you might have received lately, is deeply important to me. I look forward to sharing the final results with you. And that may actually be possible. Stay tuned!

Read Full Post »

Friday Followup and Whatnot

The clamor was so strong you could almost actually hear it! “WTF, Mike?” my Legion of Fan exclaimed. “Where’s the update of old copywriting projects you promised instead of writing something fresh?”

Institutional Architecture print and web gig: This is the copywriting project that I have been working on almost since I learned to write my own name. The print and web materials have been long completed. Unfortunately, final payment has been long awaited. Someday, when the check clears, I will post a link. I promise it will not be worth the wait!

The Biotech website: Call Scooby and the gang, because I smell a mystery! I was the writing subcontractor on this one, and the contractor won’t reply to my emails. The writing is long done, and they gave every indication of being happy with my work. Checks have long been cashed (nice ones, too!) But still no website. No Scooby Snacks, either. If you’re looking for a suspect, I suggest Mr. McGreevey, the creepy caretaker of the abandoned amusement park.

Corporate disaster planning and data back up articles: Two 1500-word business journal articles for use in Ohio and Florida. These are basically the same, but the first 300 words or so highlight local disasters that impacted area business – Hurricane Charley in Florida and that Day of Wind Ohio suffered after Hurricane Ike. I finished the articles back in April, I think, and then waited.

Finally, a few weeks ago, I got an interesting request: cut the Ohio article to 750 words, and the Florida article to 4 PARAGRAPHS.  Tackling the 750-word piece first, I was not hopeful but I began to chip away – 1450, 1315, 1170, 980, and so on. I finally got to 750, and dang if it weren’t a tight, coherent piece. There’s a lesson here about self editing. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there.  After that, the 4 paragraph piece was a breeze. I believe that one is going to become an email blast or something, leading potential clients to their website. Speaking of which…

The client (a data backup and recovery business) has posted the original, 1500-word articles as sort-of white papers on their site. Take a look, but don’t ask me why they posted them as Word files complete with my header and footer, word count, “draft 2,” and other behind-the-curtain awesomeness.  Florida article.  Ohio article.

Well, it’s Friday, muchachos. Here in flavor country, that means Nacho Nite! So if you’ll excuse me, I have to go brown the meat.*

* that’s what she said.

Read Full Post »

Business Lunch Indigestion

Somehow, within the span of my career, the business lunch has gone from being an indispensable part of the commercial transaction to being deader than disco.

Nostalgic? Not so much. Even at the peak of its power (think Don Draper, martinis, call girls, regret) the Client Lunch was a pain in the ass. Neither the client nor the vendor wanted to be there—it was ritual, through and through. And even if the vendor picked up the check, the client knew he would ultimately be paying for it.

As Lunch passed into memory, nobody really missed it. What replaced it was Value (for once.) Instead of packing up the entire project, driving an hour round-trip and laying out the portfolio amid the highball glasses and ashtrays, you could talk it out over the phone and actually get some work done.

So, when my client invited me to lunch to review the project, I was surprised. It had literally been years, but my curiosity got the best of me…sort of like opening a time capsule, or attending 70’s Night to Benefit AIDS Awareness or your softball team.

As I waited in the lobby and “20 Minutes Late” rolled around, the nostalgic charm began to wear off. I predicted the next milestone—the client would eventually roll in without a hint of apology.

And so he did. We were seated, and the waitress handed out the menus. Immediately he sputtered, “Damn! Look at these PRICES! THIS is why I gave up going out to lunch!”

So I ordered the side salad and water. The mindless chitchat began, and I immediately remembered the next business lunch truth: outside the project and the ensuing payment, I just don’t care about your life, dude.

An hour later, the waitress brought the check. Dude made a big gesture out of snapping up the ticket and, before the waitress could leave he said, “I’VE got this!” Then when she was safely out of earshot he said, “Yeah, so…give me seven bucks and we’re even.”

So, to recap: This business lunch Blast from the Past contained no Don Draper, martinis or call girls. However it was loaded with regret—mostly for the 90 minutes of my life I would never get back.

Read Full Post »

Come Closer, Agent Starling

The phone conference began with an introduction. “Mike, this is Dr. So-and-So. He’s a forensic psychiatrist.” I immediately thought, “Cool, a physician whose area of expertise is the interface between mental health and the law!” Unfortunately, between my brain and my tongue that changed to, “Cool! Just like Hannibal Lecter!”

After an awkward silence, the meeting proceeded without with very little cannibalism as we tried to hammer out the structure of the proposed website. The directive was simple, yet stupefying (for me, anyway): No selling. In a website promoting this gentleman’s services, there must be no selling, no marketing, no hype, no pitch, no comparisons, and no opinions. Right away, you know this site’s gonna sear your face off (and serve it with a nice Chianti.)

It’s example number one-million of a profession where simply saying what it is has been twisted into something negative: expert witness for hire. You’re a lawyer defending someone accused of…something dire. It may help to suggest that your client is not “all there.” (sorry for the legal-ese!) It may be especially helpful if it also happens to be true. So you hire a forensic psychiatrist to review the file, interview the defendant and then testify in court that the defendant is impaired in some way.

And then, as if on cue, the prosecutor will go all Perry Mason on the Doctor’s ass and hammer him with, “Why should we trust you? You’re just a witness for hire! Your website is too sales-y! And it employs flash animation on the home page, which is really weak!” Then the doc turns to the camera, does a facepalm, and moans, “I should have gone to LivelyExchange!”

That’s why it pays to hire the best, kids. And if you can’t get him, call me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to put the lotion on my skin, or I get the hose again.

Read Full Post »