Posts Tagged ‘healthcare’

A while back, in the post “Putting the Grrr! in Facebook,” I saved a few lines for the FB offender known as Twitter Newbie. He is a guy or gal who just got their iPhone, or what have you,  and has figured out the thing will pay for itself in just three years if they tweet 200 times a day, regardless if they have anything to say.  So, you get updates like “ugh! going 2 work!…ugh! at work!…snack: cool ranch doritos yum!…ugh! meetings!….yay! 4day weekend!”

Get a grip, you say? Well, I just realized that little Tweeters grow up, and it’s not pretty.  Eventually Twitter Newbie, sort of like the machines in Terminator, will become self aware and begin to annihilate us–not with cool liquid metal robots from the future, but with the sheer power of his smug self-satisfaction.

Some prime examples of this phenomenon have been immortalized in the blogsite ” Tweeting too Hard,” and they are a howl. I will give you the link in moment, but here are some highlights of actual tweets disbelieving recipients have submitted:

OMG i was saying how i couldn’t afford the gas to fly daddy’s jet to the riviera this summer, and this barista totally rolled her eyes at me!

Everywhere I go people are telling me that I should start modeling. I guess I am really that good looking. lol

I’m about to go save up to 3 lives. What are YOU doing today?

A woman ordered a breakfast sandwich with sausage and bacon, while I had a whole-grain blueberry muffin. Am I justified in feeling superior?

Watching a LOT of fashion mistakes go past whilst waiting for the bus. This is why I don’t use public transport.

Damn these Google AdWords… Too many potential new business enquries to deal with. Sometimes I’m too good at online marketing. *Sigh*

OK, that last one was me. Anyway, if judging others is your thing, head on over to Tweeting too Hard and settle in. If irony is your thing, keep track of how much time you are wasting at this site while judging harshly the people wasting their time on Twitter.  It’s a win-win!

Have a good weekend, and remember our Honored Dead!

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straddlingSometimes I feel like my clients and I are straddling two eras of web development. By “my clients” I mean those hardworking designer/ developers who raise their clients’ websites up from the good rich soil of teh intarwebs.

And by “we are straddling” I mean HE’s straddling and I’m sitting on his shoulders, dangerously displacing his center of gravity.

On the one hand, I have one or two clients currently working with one or two Big Firms on one or two Big Sites. 20+ pages of philosophy, history, leadership, products, capabilities, clients, case studies, and on and on.

On the other hand, you have the small, sometimes virtual shops working with several small clients on several small sites–often WordPress or otherwise blog-based.  These sites might include a Home/About page, a product page or two, and Contact.

Obviously both have their pluses and minuses.

One has a huge budget, killer graphics and functionality and lyrical, heroic copy honed to perfection (and it only took 8 drafts!) However, it has way too many cooks, and takes so long to complete that at least one person on the client side will have retired by the time the site goes live.

The other is nimble, lean, and to the point. Nice (not killer, but nice) graphics, concise copy, simple functionality, and so on. The entire creative and decision making team might consist of 6 people instead of 20.

One will likely take several months from initial meeting to going live. In fact, I have one approaching the 9-month mark. The other is in, out, done and invoiced in a matter of weeks.

One entails a BIG payday…somewhere down the line. (Don’t be surprised if it comes in the form of a Social Security check.) The other, much MUCH smaller, but definitely sooner and more of them.

So what are we looking at here? Is this the difference between Web and Web 2.0?  Between messaging/branding/consulting and simply creating a website? Between building an impressive client portfolio and paying the bills?  The answer is yes.

I don’t think either is necessarily better. Ideally, you’d like to have some of both… the few, big payday prestige projects, and the several nice bill-paying projects.  These days, I will take what I can get. And I will be thanking the Lord for it.

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And now, today’s cautionary tale of Social Media Suicide:

Tweeting Idiot Blows Big Opportunity in Crap Economy

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criticsxAs Dale Carnegie once said,  “Any fool can criticize, and most fools do.” But praise is infinitely harder to come by. I have made a couple of additions to my  Rave Reviews page , so it’s as good a time as any to re-post this bit from October 2008. Enjoy your tasty leftovers, and please join me again next week!

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Positive feedback, praise, kudos…in professional copywriting, these can be as elusive as the Loch Ness Monster.  I’ve said it again and again: in this business the only thanks you can expect is to get paid…and you’ll wait six weeks for that.

Still, on occasion you will write something good enough, or have a client cool enough, or BOTH, that you will get a crumb tossed your way.  On those rare occasions over the years, I made sure to collect and store these tasty morsels for future use. What sort of future use? I assumed I would figure that out…in the future.

Welcome to the future, kids…the future of shameless self-promotion! I have composed a Rave Reviews page on this site for your perusal. So give it a cursory glance and try not to hate, haters. You too may someday earn a mild, begrudging expression of a client’s gratitude. But don’t hold your breath!

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In the picture above, one critic is commenting on my writing skills; the other, my Photoshop abilities. YOU decide!  ‘Til next time, the balcony is CLOSED, punks!

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Successful freelance writers, video people, talent…entrepreneurs in general, live by a creed: It’s a Business First. This was the first piece of advice anyone ever gave me (thanks, Scott.)  And it’s the part of the business I am still endeavoring to master. Specifically, self-marketing.

Oh, do I hate cold calling. As a consequence, I do very little of it. Whenever I do, I always picture the receptionist at the first agency I worked at. She relished taking cold calls from nervous job seekers and, basically, messing with them.

So I tend to burn up the emails. The old “Freelance Copywriter Seeks Opportunities” bit.

The responses tend to go down one of several paths:

  • Completely Ignored: A timeless classic. Always a popular choice.
  • Acknowledged but No Need for Copywriting Services: Seeing how often you get ignored, it’s pathetic how grateful you are to get a polite rejection!
  • Acknowledged, No Need, but Keep Checking Back: Yes, and the first time you do it’s “I said I’d keep your portfolio on file, you stalker!!”
  • Mild Interest, Request for Writing Samples: Don’t get your hopes up. Often, this is the polite way of ignoring you. Rejection that finds a way to humiliate AND waste your time…that’s efficiency!
  • Potential Writing Projects Coming Up, Let’s Meet: Certainly, you suppose, a Creative Director or Executive Producer at an agency wouldn’t waste his own time, right? You’d be surprised.

In the end, I believe it’s timing. All my recent successes have come because I happened to cast my line at exactly the right moment. Conversely, my biggest frustrations have been when I connect with someone who I have solicited 3 times in the past year, only to hear that they just finished up a big writing project that would have been perfect for me. So, somehow, my email of two months ago was too early, and today’s was too late. So much for keeping my info on file.

It never ends, and neither does the need to keep hitting their IN box. So I at least try to have a reason to bother them, however thin the premise. “Just finished a big automotive project, and it reminded me of all the…um…graphic arts work you guys do!”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a couple dozen emails to write. Until next time, I am a Freelance Copywriter Seeking Opportunities!

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Looking back on the LivelyExchange era…all 90 days of it!

Biggest Day So Far: April 17, 2008. This was the day I got a mention in the Low Country Blogroll, a compendium of Charleston-based blogs.

Most Active Post, Due to Content: Social Networking (Old School!) Imagine… MCAI people came out in force to defend their media production trade group…just because I said they were irrelevant! Actually, it was a great back and forth. Still the most read post.

2nd and 3rd Most Active Pages: Defining Your Message and My Experience. Yes, I know it’s because they are permanent pages. But it’s nice to know that my Resume and About page are being seen. Sort of the reason I’m doing this. That, and the glory.

Most Active Post for All the Wrong Reasons: Movie Moment: Lars and the Real Girl. Nice piece, but the film’s subject matter (shy guy falls in love with an inanimate latex female companion) brought out the pervs, big time. I still get 2 or 3 search engine hits a day for, ummm, inanimate latex female companions.

Favorite Post that Nobody Read: On the Road with the Cat Killers. Gee, was it the title?

Best Example of Restraint: Tunneling to Freedom. I had so much to say the day I quit my full time web-marketing gig. I think I managed to channel my rage quite nicely.

Early Post I’m Glad Nobody Saw: None really. There are certainly some more relevant, or more interesting than others. However, they all read pretty well to me. I have to admit, “Nature’s Savage Ballet,” the one about the dead snake in front of my writing window, was pretty arcane.

Posts I Have Yanked: 3 so far. Typically, it’s when I tell someone I have a blog and then remember, oh crap, I wrote about that one guy in the place with the thing…the thing we swore a blood oath never to tell!  And, so far, I have re-posted two of them.

Thing I Used to be Very Good About, but Have Neglected Lately: Packing posts full of links. This one doesn’t count.

Thing I Seem to be Doing a Lot Lately: Adding pictures. It’s fun, and a lot easier to do in WordPress than adding links!

Thing I know already, So Save It: My posts are too long. This one included.

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The scene opens on a farm in the foothills of Tennessee. A hitching post stands in the foreground, camera left.  A silver-haired man approaches, riding a donkey.  This is Gary, gentleman farmer and 6-time sales leader for a hospital supply company.

The donkey stops and Gary dismounts. He approaches the camera and says,

“Get off your ASS and sell the entire product line!”

That’s a wrap, people! Thanks for making the two-hour flight to Nashville, followed by a 90-minute drive to…wherever we are. See you at Cannes!

That was just one stop on the “Our Company Has Too Much Money” tour of 1998.  Everyone involved…the video crew, Gary, the donkey…was a little embarrassed by the proceedings, but we had a job to do.

The day began with the 7:30 Comair from Cincinnati to Nashville, followed by the usual baggage claim and rental van hassles. Then, a long drive further and further from civilization. Finally, we hit a dirt road (no kidding) and make the turn into the holler (oh, yes) to find a charming little farm at the foot of a mountain.

Gary was en route, so his wife showed us around. She introduced us to all of the critters; ducks, dogs, donkeys, pot-belly pigs and loads of cats. “That one’s Precious.  That one’s Butch, and the all-white one is Snowball.” And so on.

We were able to back the van up to the shooting location, which was a treat. We rarely ever get the opportunity to drive into the 4th-floor conference room of a major metro hospital! We popped the hatch, unloaded the bare essentials, and then shot the classic scene I only WISH I could have written.

Suddenly, we’re finished…and the ITCH hits: maybe we can make the 1:30 flight instead of the 5:15! Gotta go! Just throw the crap in the van…I’ll pack cases while you drive! We threw, slammed, and blasted off…fishtailing and tossing gravel just like every episode of Dukes of Hazzard.

We made the 90-minute drive in fifty-six minutes, and screeched to a halt at Delta check-in.  Doors fly open, bags start tumbling out, skycaps approach and I reach for my wallet. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash of white.

“Holy crap…it’s SNOWBALL!” I turn to see my partner standing and pointing, his jaw hanging open.  I follow his point, and see a white cat zipping down the sidewalk in a complete panic, over suitcases, under baggage carts, between legs. I race after the cat (go, OJ, go!) and very nearly catch her when she leaps onto the moving baggage conveyor, heading right into…wherever it goes. Call me a cat-lover, but I scrambled onto the belt myself. My last glimpse was of Snowball descending a long, slow ramp into the darkness. Then two skycaps grabbed me by my belt and dragged me out of the chute.

We agonized over this all the way to Crown Room, where we promptly did rock-paper-scissors to decide who was going to call Gary.  And what do you say? Snowball’s not dead, exactly. She’s merely…transcended this reality.  Yes, existentialism should cloud the issue nicely. Start dialing!

In the end Gary was, shall we say, NOT devastated by this news. “So, you killed one of my fifteen cats, huh? That’s life on the farm. Have a good trip, fellers.” But the lesson was learned. New policy: on all future donkey farm shoots, close van doors tightly. I’ll let you know how that turns out.

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Somewhere in suburbia, two video dudes sit in a breakfast nook sipping straight bourbon from dirty SONY coffee mugs. They smile wistfully.

1st guy: (sighs) “You know what this reminds me of?”

2nd guy: “That strip bar in Thailand?”

1st guy: “The drugs, the violence…”

Both: “The hookers!”

This General Foods International Bourbon moment was brought to you by the year 1995, which called and said it would like its jokes back.

austriaOur travelogue concludes:

It was Friday in Linz, Austria, the last day of the trip. After a morning of running and gunning, shooting video in the cute little town and the cute little factory, it was lunchtime. So we decided to break for, you know, lunch. Afterwards, we went back to the factory floor, set up for the next shot, and waited for the workers to return. We waited a long, long time.  Finally we realized that, in Austria, lunchtime is quitting time on Friday. Which proves my theory that Austrians know how to party, but they don’t know jack about making videos. So, we spent the rest of the afternoon in the customer visitation center imbibing 100-proof schnapps with the company president. This is something that never, NEVER happened back home. Okay, once. Interesting Austrian trivia: the Danube isn’t blue, it’s brown (see photo.)

You don’t want to know why.

When flying home by way of Paris, remain calm (I recommend chai tea, tai chi, or oxycontin) or you’ll end up like me…pulled aside and interrogated like a common Tunisian hijacker. Apparently the dudes with the automatic weapons thought my hand trembled suspiciously as I presented my boarding pass. “Why have you for to being so nervous, M’sieur Lee-vuh-lee?” This shakedown, fifteen years ago, still comes to mind every time I fly, and provides a nice bit of perspective.  At least, I tell myself, the chick at the Delta desk isn’t holding a machine gun!

Aside from the undeniable glamour of Paris, it was a trip filled with sights painfully familiar to a healthcare manufacturing video dude: hospitals and factories in gritty towns. (Not to mention the back of some guy’s head on an airplane for 10 hours.) Dusseldorf is pretty much the Newark of Germany. Linz, Austria is could pass for Cincinnati (with about the same number of Germans!) And Pluvigner, France might as well be Spartanburg SC.  Despite the hassle, jetlag and machine guns, it was the most fun that you can boil down to half a sentence on your resume:

“…has produced corporate video in hospitals and manufacturing centers across the US and Europe.”

Until next time, this is your final boarding call!

*Final note (June 2017). One thing I will always remember is this Austrian Fabrikdirektor, whom I believed had escaped Communism, telling us “don’t believe everything you read; you Americans have nothing but friends here.”

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