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Posts Tagged ‘facebook’

social-marketing-certificate

Social Marketing Certified (and factory sealed!)

I have an ongoing social media gig, blogging and doing daily posts on Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and LinkedIn. We use the Hootsuite platform to centralize the daily scheduling and posting. It’s a nice way to get several weeks worth of posting done in a day, and it gives you a helpful aerial view of your content. Meaning, you post on several different types of topics in your subject area, and it’s good to spread them out evenly.

Anyway, there’s much more to Hootsuite that I have never explored. It’s that curiosity that led me to discover and pursue Hootsuite Social Marketing Certification. Basically, it’s a lot of theory and best practices on social media marketing and advertising, and a lot of the technical aspects of Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube, and so on. What works, what doesn’t, which platform will work best for YOU, constructing ad campaigns, measuring the outcomes, and on and on. Interesting stuff.

It took a lot of the summer and fall to complete the coursework. Then, as I was completing it, business picked up and I couldn’t find the time to cram for the final exam. Finally, I cleared some time and made it happen. And, voila! Hootsuite Social Marketing Certification! Springboard to meteoric success! Hey it could happen.

 

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Yes, but it's a MOIST heat.

Like some fast, furious flying thing, summer is flying by fast and furious. Here’s how I have spent my copywriting summer so far, in feels-like-110-degrees Charleston SC :

  • I wrote a website for a Speaker’s/Talent agency. The client knows Joel McHale! Jealous.
  • Meta tagging a home improvement website. Sounds tedious – and it was – but six solid billable hours. No complaints!
  • Writing a print brochure for an animal hospital. Aww, puppies!
  • The previously-mentioned gun ad and gun cloth website (see below)
  • Maybe producing a demo reel for a standup comic. The show is in 10 days, and I haven’t heard a thing. Hilarious!
  • Moderating a closed group on Facebook regarding the Casual Dining industry
  • Working on a different, super-secret blog/Twitter/Facebook project
  • Working on a THIRD social media program for a floral-industry giant
  • Writing a new headphone website for Philips
  • Writing Philips sell sheets for a new line of Kindle cases
  • Editing a sales presentation for a financial advisory firm
  • Finishing a Real Estate website refresh
  • Getting ready to start another Real Estate website
  • Completing my Kroger alcohol trilogy: Beer, wine and, now, Liquor!

I guess the big story is how the social media thing is growing. I am reading everything I can on how to do it well. And you know how I hate to read the manual! Anyway, that’s the spillage. How’s YOUR summer?

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Question: What’s more cynical than deliberately writing a post about Facebook because it is guaranteed to draw hits?
Answer: Facebook itself.

I hope you’re sitting down when you read this (we pause as a million chairs drag across the scarred linoleum floor of our global consciousness) …but retarded Facebook apps like Farmtown and Mafia Wars are cynical cesspools of personal information-gathering disguised as “community”…and worse. This according to an article in The Consumerist, inscrutably titled “Mafia Wars CEO Brags about Scamming People from Day One.”

Long ago I wrote a cranky, Andy Rooney-esque piece called “Putting the Grr! in Facebook,” in which I grumbled about the various idiosyncrasies of hapless users. This post is consistently my top drawing piece – even surpassing my scholarly (!) review of the film Lars and the Real Girl (my top post among perverts searching for Artificial Partners, wink wink.)

Since that post, I have mellowed out a bit and hooked up with all kinds of friends from the past. But a constant beef has continued to be all of the stupid apps. Jenny has sent you a hug! What famous dead composer are you? And a bunch of others I can’t recall because I “HID” them long ago.

But the games are the worst. I got as far as Scrabulous, meaning, I signed up for Scrabulous, knowing that it was nothing more than a scam for gathering personal information, but hey, I like Scrabble. But the first time I saw on  Facebook’s News Feed: “Michael has spelled the word INCONTINENCE on Scrabulous! Can YOU do better? Sign up NOW!” …I pulled the plug.

Trust me, I “get” Facebook. If you know anything about Web 2.0, this practice should not be a surprise. While everyone whines about the ads, I say “that’s why it’s free.” But you read something like “Mafia Wars CEO Brags about Scamming People from Day One,” …and you are looking at the epitome* of corporate cynicism.

*Epitome: The embodiment or precise representation of an ideal. Pronounced “uh-PIT-oh-mee”…or “eppa-tohm” if you’re from West Virginia (like me.)

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The following rant is made possible by the fact that you can delete friends on Facebook without notifying them.

Sleepy Moon Guy: Keeps his browser open all day long, and sitting on Facebook.  Indicated by the sleepy blue sliver of a moon symbol next to his name.  Technically, he’s an “online friend,” but he lies in wait, stealthy-like. If you happen to drop in for a moment, the steel trap springs shut and…and I guess you have to chew off your arm to get free.

The “Go on, ask!” Girl: Brief, cryptic updates like “my heart hurts…” Designed to make someone, anyone, anyone at all, ask “Aww, what’s wrong?” Anyone except me, that is.

The Twitter Newbie: You hear it on TV a lot lately…puzzled news people giving it their best, Seinfeldian “what’s the deal with Twitter?”  I get the deal with Twitter, OK? I get it better than most people who use it– like Twitter Newbie.  TN probably has a reason to tweet. Maybe he has a new business he’s trying to promote. So why is every tweet something like “I’m driving,” or “Just had lunch…chick-fil-a yum!” or, my favorite, “tweeting rocks!”  Here’s a tip…get the rocks out of your head and learn to tweet. Secondly, stop saying tweet.

I could go on and on about the TMI people and the ones who are constantly flinging food at you or challenging you to a pillow fight. But that would eliminate just about everyone. So, I’ll end my Facebook beef right here.

You may say, “Dag, Boo…you must spend a lot of time on Facebook to form such a passionate opinion about it!”  To which, I may reply “Dag, Boo? For real? Are you that kid from To Kill a Mockingbird, or what?”

Dag, Boo...that literary reference didn't seem very forced at all!

Dag, Boo...that literary reference didn't seem very forced at all!

Seriously, though. It’s not a waste of time if I am judging you. That’s the first rule of blogging!

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